Shelter in Place Week 9: Worry, Debates, and Tai Chi Muscle

66B9E98B-0DC0-4F3A-820B-F5D98AE77EE0I have remembered what it felt like when I was a teen lying on my stomach. The other day it felt like there was something under my quads—a wadded up blanket or something. But no, it’s muscle.
Nine weeks ago I decided to do tai chi poses every day instead of once or twice a week. I also walk about half an hour a night, but it’s the tai chi stances building quad muscle. Welcome back, quads! I’ve missed you lo these twenty years.
One thing that’s remained consistent over the years is my hypochondria. Only it has shifted to parental worry. My teen, who has only left the house once or twice for things like drive-by parties with her dad and therefore has very little chance of having the Covid, has been sneezing with mild tummy discomfort the last few days. Yes she’s been eating sketch takeout and always has allergies this time of year, but that’s not how my mommy brain works. My mommy brain (and my daughter of septuagenarian parents brain) says “IT MIGHT BE THE COVID! IT’S PROBABLY THE COVID!”
More walking. More tai chi. More scrolling social media.
And that’s where my worry turns to anger. I’m so upset with my friends who think we should open everything back up again. One had a hairdresser come to her house. Others are inviting friends over. I got so mad that I took a social media break, but with the physical distancing I decided I needed social media for the interaction. I’m just trying to ignore the stuff that makes me mad, because what are you going to do. If someone I love gets sick, I won’t know who passed it around, and I guess that’s for the best.
The three people I know who were hospitalized with Covid19 are all home this week, so that’s good. The young married couple came home with oxygen, I think. The other guy (also youngish) was mainly hospitalized because his diabetes and other health conditions. Sonoma County has four deaths now. People are being ridiculously mean to the poor woman who gives daily briefings on the county Facebook page. The conspiracy theories, oy.
I miss performing music with my friends. Otherwise I’m okay, mostly sad for my daughter, who is a choral major. They say choirs will be the absolute last thing to come back.
But we are having lots of family games and bingewatching. Currently “Mom,” and always “Friends.”
I have my ups and downs. But I have plenty of food and walks and a little patio and balcony and FaceTime. I think of Anne Frank and the little window she was grateful for. I have a hell of a lot more than that.

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